- Hare Krishna:
-
Shit Happens, Rama
Rama Ding Ding. Please accept this flower and buy our shit.
- Buddhism:
-
Only he who totally
gives up the desire for shit will have salvation.
- Zen:
-
What is the sound
of shit happening?
- 7th Day Adventists:
-
Shit happens on
Saturdays.
- Hinduism:
-
This shit is not
a religion, it is the way of life.
- Protestantism:
-
If shit happens,
it happens to someone else.
- Presbyterianism:
-
This shit was bound
to happen.
- Calvinism:
-
Shit happens because
you don't work hard enough.
- Episcopalian:
-
If shit happens,
hold a procession.
- Methodist:
-
It's not so bad
if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
- Lutheranism:
-
Shit happens, but
as long as you're sorry, it's OK.
- Quakers:
-
Let us not fight
over this shit.
- Catholicism:
-
If shit happens,
you deserved it.
- Judaism:
-
Why does shit always
happen just before closing the deal?
- Conservative
Judaism:
-
Why does shit always
happen to US?
- Orthodox Judaism:
-
So shit happens,
already!
- Islam:
-
If it happens to
be shit, it's Allah's will and you'd better submit!
- Shiite Islam:
-
If shit happens,
take a hostage.
- Nation of Islam:
-
Don't take no shit!
- New Age:
-
For $300, we can
help you get in touch with your inner shit.
- Jehovah's Witnesses:
-
Knock Knock, "Shit
Happens." Open the door and I'll show you what shit is.
- Secular Humanism:
-
Shit evolves.
- Creationism:
-
... And the Lord
said "Let there be shit" ... and there came piles of it. After six days
of this shit, He rested.
- Christian Science:
-
When shit happens,
don't call a doctor--pray.
-
Our shit will take
care of itself.
- Atheism:
-
I don't believe
this shit!
- Agnosticism:
-
You can't prove
any of this shit!
- Rastafarians:
-
Hey, this is good
shit, mon.
- Mormonism:
-
Excrement happens.
(you can't say 'shit' in Utah)
- Southern Baptist:
-
Shit will happen.
Praise the lord!
- Voodooism:
-
This shit's gonna
get you!
- Televangelism:
-
Your tax-deductible
donation could make this shit stop happening...
- Congregationalism:
-
Shit that happens
to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
- Unitarianism:
-
Come let us reason
together about this shit.
- Orthodox:
-
St. Sergius found
his faith in deep shit.
- Greek Orthodox:
-
Shit happens, usually
in threes.
- Fundamentalism:
-
If shit happens,
you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
- Amish:
-
Shit is good for
the soil.
- Native Americans:
-
Shit is sacred
when it happens.
- Moonies:
-
Only happy shit
really happens.
- Stoicism:
-
This shit happening
is good for me.
- Zoroastrianism:
-
Christianity stole
half its shit from us.
- Bahaism:
-
Shit happens universally.
- Mysticism:
-
This is really
weird shit.
- Paganism:
-
Shit happens for
a variety of reasons.
- Rosicrucianism:
-
What is this AMORC
shit?
- Satanism:
-
We hope bad shit
happens to all of you.
- Witchcraft:
-
Mix this shit together
and it will happen!
- Scientology:
-
This shit happened
before, but we can clean it up if you pay us enough.
- Branch Davidianism:
-
David thinks he's
hot shit.
- Jesuits:
-
If shit happens
and nobody hears it, did it really make a sound?
- Creation Science:
-
Shit has only been
happening since October 23rd 4004 B.C.
- Dianetics:
-
"Why does
shit happen?" (p. 157)
